I know very well no one will read this blog, and that's the main reason why I want to put it here. I don't exactly know how I feel.
i can say im devastated. i dont know what to do. whether to sit here waiting for something good happen again or fight for it. i dont want to go through any pain again. i think its too mych for me to handle.
im scared
im scared of losing everything, losing myself. but im the one who caused me losing myself. i dont appriciated what God gave me. i cutted myself, i beat myself up emotionally and i.. i just.. im tired of all of this.
what did i do wrong to deserve all of this? Why did God choose me to go thorugh this? i know He has a good reasons and He wont put me through something i cant handle. but.. i still feel like i cant do this anymore.
i just want to get out of here. no, i never think of a suidice, i just want to go away, away from this madness and live anywhere else by myself so i wont have to hear any screams that break my heart everytime.
why me?
